Remember in your heart and it will stay there forever.

The Regular, Rare and Remarkable

Wednesday, February 15, 2012

I am Happiest When I am Honest with Myself

Here's the deal.  I have what I zealously refer to as an addictive personality.  I carelessly tell people that if I were a drinking person, I would be a lush.  While this is a casual and carelessly referenced bit of useless information that I hope is only somewhat true about me (and gives people a bad impression of me), I need to make a confession.  I am addicted to Ambien and junk food.  The Ambien confession will have to be addressed in a different post but I would like to talk about the food.  That "new lifestyle" I was just telling you about, is killing me softly (and privately).  The HCG makes me a crazier version of myself.  I think Taylor knows exactly what I am talking about, but I don't want to allow him an easy out of mental "stick-to-itedness" like his mother.  The HCG makes me feel like I am having an out-of-body experience.  And really, whether this is just an excuse or not, I wasn't losing any weight on it anyway.  And my best excuse is that it was making my blood pressure higher and I couldn't speak a sentence without studdering.  But just because I am not going to keep taking those nasty pills, gives me no excuse to start eating sugar, fat and carbs until I am sick.  Really?  You should have seen me at the grocery store yesterday when I decided to find another way to lose a few pounds.  I stayed away from too much fat, but wow, THE SUGAR was calling me by name.  It knows me, it loves, me and it wraps itself around me until I can't stand it any longer and I fall.  No willpower.  Do you think there is a way to disable the taste bud on my tongue that makes sugar such a narcotic? If there is and you know about it, you better fess up and let me in on the secret.  Where does willpower come from anyway?  I need a heavy dose of it.  I need to stick to it and be healthier.  For my families sake as well as my own.  God give me the strength!!!  But, as I play the happy game, I am happy to report that I have exercised every morning this week so far.  How is that for a positive attitude?

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